Education of Independency

Each child is a treasure with different colours.

The requirements for future talents change with the age. Talented students who are strong-minded, gifted, show initiative, decisive, adventurous, proactive, passionate and confident are helpful for our future society and the development of the economy. Therefore, students also need the abilities of strong independence, responsibility, and discernment.

While children are capable of becoming leaders for themselves, many parents like to worry about everything for their children and interfere in their daily life from childhood. Moreover, parents take on the decision-making role for what their children learn and play, with how they deal with others, with which clothes they wear or with how they solve difficulties. Some parents not only offer the “right” answer, but also directly handle problems for their children. If children grow up in this type of environment for a long time, they will gradually become passive and indecisive. Also, they will always rely on others and easily blame their dissatisfaction on their parents, other people, on society, or even such things such as blood type and the constellations, so in the end they’re unable to face their own problems. Extra care can be harmful for children, and their ability to grow should not be deprived. Parents should be patient during their children’s growth and encourage them to manage the consequences of their mistakes. In many cases, criticism or help from parents may not useful. 

Only when a nestling flaps its wings can it learn to fly.

It is important for children to develop an independent consciousness from childhood. A child is a family member as well as a social member. Everyone has a responsibility for the world since his birth, and contributes his own value by constantly learning about himself and exploiting his potential. Parents are unable to accompany or keep pace with their children their whole life. First of all, before children regard themselves as individuals, parents should understand that everyone is only responsible for his own life, that no one is subordinate to another, that children are not affiliated to parents, and that parents cannot control their children their whole life. Children are the masters of their own life. Efforts for living, studying, getting along with others or solving problems are all prepared during a child’s own life because no one but the child cares or should care as much about his life as he does.  

One must develop her own ideas while respecting other people’s opinions.

Independence can be developed from a very young age - children have an initial awareness of independence in early childhood. They will make requests or they will try something new. However, parents often reject children’s requests because they consider the requests to be too dangerous. They often make decisions for children since they believe their children are too young to know everything - this destroys the child’s inquisitive nature. 

How to cultivate a child’s independency

✔ Parents should give their children suggestions rather than making requests or demands of their children. If children feel confused about something and ask for help, parents can offer proper suggestions and attempt to control the desire to impose their ideas on children.
✔ Children should grow up in a relatively ‘loose’ environment while experiencing necessary constraints according to their age and specific situations (in order to avoid undertaking actions that are dangerous or beyond their abilities).
✔ Children need know that they cannot shift responsibility or ask someone to clean up after their mess. Therefore, they must learn how to analyze the consequences of an action before they proceed with it and whether or not they are willing to take responsibility for their actions. When children are eager to do something beyond their abilities, parents can guide them to achieve their aspirations through effort rather than denying them the opportunity to test their ideas.

✔ Criticism plays a bad role. When children make mistakes, blaming is not useful and damages their pride, which leads to their reluctance to take risks and make mistakes. Parents can help their children learn to control negative feelings and to help them analyze and reflecton their feelings so that children can in turn learn why they made the mistakes and how they can improve in the future.
✔ Children should be fully trusted, encouraged and supported in whatever they do. They are very sensitive to the trust-relationship with their parents no matter how old are they.

Points to note:No more rules for restricting children’s freedom. Making Joint Decisions is useful when parents have concerns about their children’s decisions. Children can be disciplinedfor their misbehaviour such as laziness, escapism, dependency and irresponsibility instead of for their failures. Each failure can lead to success. Children can become stronger from experiencing failure if they have their parents’ encouragement and support.

Making efforts and accepting results

Children should understand that many things can be achieved and changed by their efforts. They should try their best for things that can be changed; if they are unable to change something, they will be able to accept this calmly. Experiencing gains and experiencing the process of trying to make changes are more valuable than the results.